Written in 2015


This post – “A Note From a Pain Slut” – and the amazing response to it finally crystallized my sense of where I stand in this varied landscape called kink.

In the past year, I have read and listened to an endless variety of personal expression on FL. All the while, I have trying to get a clearer sense of where I fit in this world, so that I can begin to act on it.

This lovely piece of self expression, and the amazing reaction to it on the part of hundreds of people to it, helped a great deal.

I respect the right of folks to consider themselves “pain sluts”. I certainly understand the sensations that are involved in receiving and adsorbing pain, physically and mentally. I have great respect for the self disciplines and self awareness involved. This writer help clarify all that for me. Thank you

But I have a negative emotional response to the term “pain slut”. It is not part of who I am, although I into both the giving and the receiving of “wanted” pain. I feel so much more comfortable with the term “pain sensualist”. It better presents the way I experience the way that I want to be with the people with whom I share this side of my life. It lays out a kind of relating that makes more sense to me than what I imagine and feel with I say “pain slut”.

The most intriguing thing about all of this is that I am fully aware that this is about me, not about the people who see themselves as and experience the reality of being “pain sluts”. I will continue to expose myself to the parts of themselves that they choose to share here on FL, because being a pain sensualist (giving and receiving) is part of who I am and their experiences are close to mine.

But I will probably have difficulty interacting with them on the pain giving and receiving level, because their sense of self is so different from my own.

Thanks Poster. Your willingness to share was profoundly helpful to me.