Written in 2014

I first started to spend time on Fet Life as part of the research that I was doing for novels. I found some of the pictures there deeply appealing. So what was research became partly a source of personal enjoyment.

But the amazing sharing some people on FL do about their personal experiences also taught me a great deal about people and about myself. Here is one such learning.


In the last two weeks, I have been on Fet Life every day. It is part of a “slow down” vacation that I have taken.

Thinking about being here in the past month or so, I have come to some realizations.

The writings / posts / comments which really impress me are:
1. articulate ones in which the person shares some deeply personal experience they have or are having which generate a lot of comments,
2. the range of ways of being kink that come clear in comment trails on such postings,
3. the profiles that clearly show us who the person is and what they want – whether that is in a few words or many.
Being visual, I respond to images strongly. (I am a photographer). Elegance, particularly female elegance, drives me strongly. I love the response that I get from the visual sharing that people do, especially when it includes visual elegance.

I have come to see that Kinky and Popular (I don’t watch videos) reflects the fact that the bell curve is as alive and real on Fet Life as it is in vanilla life. But the neat thing is that following K&P pictures and writings often take me to people that I learn from who themselves will never make K & P, essentially when I browse the comment trails.

I am now some much clearer on who I am as a result of being here.

I now know that I am into sensual domination but as a switch.

For me, my kink side is primarily about deepening the pleasure response, deeply down into sub-space. For me personally, and for the right partner, that pleasure can include elements of pain that confuse the boundary between pleasure and pain.

I am into contracting in relationships, not role dominated ones. I am a prime alpha male, but do not have a strong need to always be the dom when relating. I can also submit.

I am really turned on by intellect in women. I want dialogue and contracting, and when it is contracted can both dominate or be dominated. I am comfortable with this – finally.

There is a part of me that also visually gets on watching / viewing male / female interaction that my intellectual mind labels as abusive or close to abuse.I mostly do this when I am sexually frustrated. I realize that what I am seeing is consensual, but I am not sure that I can express myself in those ways in a contracted relationship. But it is all head stuff at the moment, since I have not had to deal with it with interacting with a partner who has such needs.

I can be monogamous, but don’t desire to be. However, I also don’t want to swing or play. I need committed, contracted relationships more than I need variety. The relationship complexity that occurs in a multiple person partnership is deeply appealing to me.

I have become clear through a lot of reading and seeing and commenting. So I am very thankful to the INDIVIDUALS who share on Fet Life, and to the Fet Life organizers who provide the forum which makes this possible.

Finally, I realize that connecting with women who appeal to me (proud in their bodies, engaged intellects, strongly expressive and outgoing in the way that they live professionally and personally – 50 plus) will not be easy, since they are not the largest group on Fet Life (or in real life).

There are some things that I experience on Fet Life make me sad, just as they do in real life.

1. Insensitive members of my own gender who lead in pictures and words with their cocks not their minds.

2. Stories of exploitation, no matter what gender the exploiter, though here, as in life in non-Internet life, there seem to be more male exploiters than female ones.

3. Visual crudeness and lack of grace – but that is a highly personal thing – what I find crude and ungraceful another person might find deeply engaging.

Mostly, I am thankful for the journey that I have been able to take here. That journey was not possible with the people who share themselves here. So thank you for contributing to my life.